Boys are Taking Over the World....

23 weeks, 1 day pregnant today....

This post has been LONG overdue!









Our very first scan!
We're officially pregnant!



Sooo... a few weeks ago we had our anatomy scan!  At our VERY FIRST scan in July (hard to believe it has been that long)- the hubby and I both immediately thought BOY.  I don't know what it was, but we just had that feeling.  Of course we didnt' really care what the baby was- all I wanted was a healthy baby in my arms at the end of this journey.... I don't know if people really mean that when they say it, but after suffering through infertility and knowing that you might never have that chance to hold your own baby- you could care less whether you have a boy or girl in the end- you just want your child.

As the date grew closer and closer- I became more and more nervous that they would find something wrong (it doesn't help that I use my doppler pretty frequently and a few times have caught decels on it- to <100 for a few seconds- which I have googled and saw that other posts say they are normal unless it is sustained -- and I can't talk to my OB about it because they would tell me not to use them-- for exactly this kind of a freak out!).  But that is besides the point.  This whole pregnancy I have been anxious about something going wrong to the point where I don't think I really let myself enjoy being pregnant for the first parts.... ANYWAYS... back to the scan...

As the day grew closer, my husband and I still had a feeling this little baby was a boy... but then I started thinking... every single person that my husband and/or I know in the past year that has had a baby- it has been a boy except for TWO... everyone acquaintance/friend on facebook that has been pregnant/given birth- it has been a boy... Two of my husband's best guy friends each had a boy a week apart in October... My husband's step sister (and the only person to have kids on his side of the family so far) has two boys (the youngest was born this past March)... not to mention that it seems like almost all the bloggers I am following that are pregnant- are pregnant with boys... So was it really statistically possible that we would have a boy too?  I felt like, with so many boys being born lately- there was NO WAY we could be pregnant with a boy!  But we got to the ultrasound and one of the first things we saw....



The money shot- I'm a BOY!!

Yup... he's a boy!

Here are the rest of the pictures from our ultrasound.  He was very cooperative and sucked his thumb for the majority of the ultrasound.

We will be very curious to see who's nose he has (my husband and I both have big noses!)



He was opening and closing his mouth and the ultrasound tech said she could see his tongue moving around (I couldn't though! LOL)



Sucking his thumb...

Sucking his thumb some more...

I couldn't rotate this picture- but he was playing with his hands and face in this one.....

I still haven't been feeling consistent movement by him.  During the ultrasound they said I had an anterior placenta and when I was googling lack of movement -- I did read that anterior placentas make it much harder to feel early movements.  I feel him a few times daily now, but I think I will feel much better when it is more consistent.  Until then I have my doppler.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  I feel so blessed and I have so much to be thankful for!



varicocele repairs.....

So prior to getting pregnant, the hobby and I had met again with the urologist for her opinions on a varicocele repair. She doesn't necessarily believe that the sperm will improve significantly, but she does think it will keep it from getting worse. We met with her during our last IVF (prior to finding out it worked) because my RE, hubby, and I weren't too hopeful about the cycle. We went ahead and scheduled the repair for TODAY with the plans for me to get on hubby's insurance and start fertility treatments at a new clinic (this one is rated much higher than the other one).

Well, the big day came up fast. I can't believe its been about 5 months since we scheduled this! We decided to proceed with the surgery even though our last IVF worked.... because honestly... the hubby's sperm needs all the help it can get!
My fear us that the next time we are ready for IVF ... he wouldn't have any sperm left!

So that's where we are now. Hubby is currently in the OR and I am here in the waiting room. This is going to be the longest two hours ever!!

Have any of you blogger's hubbys dealt with varicocele repairs? What was your experience like? How was the recovery? Did you see any improvement in the sperm?

Also- just realized that my post about the baby and ultrasound never uploaded! The ultrasound went great.... but I'll update that tomorrow!!!! :-)

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Back from Spain!!

Well, hubby and I are back from our close to two weeks vacation in Spain... and with that two weeks closer to meeting our little one!

I will be twenty weeks on Friday!  I can't believe it.  We find out if our little baby is a boy or girl at our big ultrasound next Thursday!  Can't wait!

I will update on our Spain vacation over the weekend... I have recovered from Jet Lag just enough to have a full week of work - two shifts down, two more to go!  Ugh.  Joys of nursing.... Some pics to pass the time!

Madrid from the roof deck of our hotel

Plaza Mayor - Madrid

Our resort on the Meditteranean in Costa del Sol, Spain

On the boardwalk in Costa del Sol, Spain

The Alhambra, Granada, Spain

Seville Cathedral - the third largest cathedral in the world

At lunch in Morocco - we took a day trip there since the ferry was only about 1.5hr from our hotel

Where the Meditteranean and Atlantic Ocean meets - in Tangier, Morocco

Our First Baby (aka... THE DOG!!)

I've been meaning to show ya'll for a while...

We went to Pittsburgh a few weeks ago to tell the hubby's dad the good news.  Unfortunantly there isn't much to tell, because if I am wearing regular clothes- the boobs just give it away (either boob implants or pregnant... but soon- the stomach will definitely prove its the second option)...

While in Pittsburgh we went to the most awesome dog park that we had ever been too- Check it out if you are ever in/around that area-- http://www.mistypinesdogpark.com/

I had to share some pictures and videos.  A little background first- Sidney absolutely loves the water.  That is probably an understatement, but she does.  She has her own little pool (baby pool) that she loves to spash around/lay in especially when it is hot.  My friend has a swimming pool that the first thing Sidney does when we get to her house- is jump in the pool.  She loves the water so much, that we'd consider buying a house with a pool- mostly for her enjoyment! ;) 

This dog park has a little play area in one part and then a little lake with a dock in the second part.  She's never "dock dived" before, so we didn't know if she would go off it or not... but she definitely tried!!  It was more like running to the end and falling off the dock, but she loved it and kept doing it again and again.  Like any proud mommy/daddy- we were there with the camera snapping away and taking videos...

Ok enough of my blabbing- her is our Princess- spoiled rotten baby- Sidney (the "strawberry blonde" lab)

Look mom- I got a ball!!



About to jump off the dock




My new friend- a black lab



Playing with my new friend on the dock



Waiting for daddy to throw the ball!



2 Weeks Worth of Updates and Pictures!

So it is time for me to update again!  Long post- but I've included pictures!  It is just so hard for me to get to a computer lately, and my phone definitely doesn't make it easy to post from!

Anyways, 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant today... the anxiety is slowly going away, but I still feel like this is too good to be true... I have yet to believe this is really happening still (besides the fact my clothes don't really fit)... I did end up getting a doppler.  I will admit, I was totally OBSESSED with it at first... but my obsession has calmed down.  I check it about daily, or every other day- and I didn't even bring it on our weekend trip to New York this past weekend!  I had my second OB appointment this past Thursday.  I peed in a cup, got my vitals done, got called back, met with the OB (who I have to say was absolutely beautiful), she asked me if I had any concerns, and then found the babies heartbeat with the doppler.  Then said, alright, I'll see ya next time... I was like uhhh.... whaaat!?  I walked out and by the time I got to my car was thinking to myself... that doesn't seem right.  I tried to call them back, but since I was the last appointment that day they were closed, so I called on Friday.  I asked to speak to the nurse (I think she would understand a little bit more) but of course the doctor called me back... I was just like- uh- the appointment just seemed a little "quick." I was under the impression that we needed to check more "stuff?" She was like, there really isn't that much to assess before you are 20 weeks, so they just listen for the heartbeat and thats that.  Oh well.  I guess I'm going to have to get used to that.  Next appointment is October 13 (litterally like 4hrs before going to Spain!)

As I said in the previous post, we had our NT scan at 12.5 weeks done.  Took forever to receive the official results, but I was able to access the ultrasound results. It said we were measuring a week ahead and that everything from the ultrasound perspective looked normal.  Once I got the offiicial results- the doctors said everything with the blood test and ultrasound looks normal. 



Definitely doesn't show how bad
it was!  If you can see the mini-
cooper car at the top- it was stuck
and its owner was having to push



The day that I had my NT scan happened to be the day that a tropical depression or something was sitting over the state of Maryland.  After my scan, my husband called and was like don't leave, there is flooding everywhere, its really unsafe, blah blah.  It hardly raining that hard where I was, and I always thought people who got stuck in flash floods were stupid people who drove through standing water... SOOOO... I didn't listen to my husband and drove to meet two of my girlfriends at Panera for lunch.  It had just started pouring when I reached Panera, so rushed inside, met my friends, ordered food and sat down.  Well, within about ten minutes of sitting down, we saw water literally rushing into the parking lot.  We were confused, because we couldn't see where all that water was coming from.  Well..... it turns out that the street that Panera is off of was flooding/ed and everytime a car went through it water would rush into the parking lot.  We hurried, went to the bathroom, gathered our things and decided to leave.  By the time we were leaving water was coming into the Panera and cars on the road where the flooding was- were stuck.  All I could think was- my husband is going to kill me!!!! Luckly- there was another road out of the Panera- because if the flooding was just a little furthur up- I would have been stuck!



This is from inside the Panera looking at the street- the water was
up past the tires on this oversized truck.  It was one of the last cars that
was able to make it through the water before it got too deep.  By the
time we left, water was up to the window that I was looking out of!



I've started exercising again.... well just walking.  On my days off work I have been going walking and have been doing five miles on those days.  I don't exercise on the days that I do work, because 12hr shifts are draining all the energy out of me.  I usually get home from those around 8:15pm and I'm asleep on the couch after dinner by 9:15pm... my husband just loves that. :)

One MAJOR frustration is my clothing situation.  By the time we had started my second IVF, I was already the heaviest that I had ever been.... But it was summer time and I could get away with wearing shorts/tshirts, comfy dressess most of the time.  Well, not anymore.  Most of my jeans are just not that comfortable - even with the belly band- and then I feel like it just looks all lumpy where the buttons are.  Plus... my shirts have always been nice and tight and fitted (I used to have a flat stomach!).  Well, I can't wear those anymore.  Even if the shirts weren't as tight, my boobs are seriously like three times bigger than they ever have been and just don't fit into my normal clothes.  Definitely going to get into maternity pants this week, but once it gets cooler- I'll be able to wear my sweaters/cardigans for a while.  I'll just have to get new shirts for under them.



This is from like 13.5 weeks!  Yikes!

We have gotten a couple of baby things... When we were in Tenne.ssee after we told my sisters and brother the good news, the next day my sister suprised us with little Unive.rsity of Tenne.ssee booties and hat.  They look awfully small.  I really hope the baby can fit in it! (My mom had large babies for all four of her kids- I was 8lbs and then my husband was almost 10lbs).  Uh oh!  Then we went to a college reunion for my husband at his college- so we had to get something for the baby there too (well a couple of things- one for newborn and one for  a little bit bigger!)...

My mother-in-law also gave us a little "starter kit" with some newborn diapers, wipes, a picture frame and some little white tshirt kinda things...

I am definitely nervous of dealing with my mother-in-law.  I see how she acts with my husbands step-sister's kids.  I call her a baby snatcher.  As soon as you walk through the door- she snatches the kid and carries it around the whole time until it is time for you to leave.  Now I dunno, maybe at a certain point you are happy to give your kids up, but for some reason, I don't feel like I'm going to be one of those people.  I just feel like she is a little bossy/demanding about stuff.  I dunno.  I'm sure everyone has issues, and I'm sure that I might even have some issues with my mom's behaviors too... but we'll see.  I have another 6months to prepare myself! LOL.

The biggest news of all though.... The hubby and I have decided to put our house up for sale!!!  We (well I) have been unofficially looking at houses for a while now.  My husband reworked the budget- and decided if there is a chance that I might stay out of work for longer that my scheduled maternity leave or even longer... than the houses we had been looking at are way too expensive.  That kind of sucked, since the DC suburbs are SUPER expensive.  I started looking at some cheaper options- and I found a few that are in good locations (for my husband's commute to DC- there is no such thing as a good location, but there are some very BAD locations) and are reasonablely priced.  Of course they need some updating- but at that price range we could easily do (especially while I'm still working).  I sent a few to my hubby and he got excited- so called up our realator and decided to put the house up for sale.  So we'll see where that goes!

So that is a lot of information, but that should make up for the last two weeks of not posting right!? :)

Hope everyone is having a good week!

Oh, also- we are leaving for Spain two and a half weeks!  -- but I'll save that for another post...

Still here...

Sooo, 12 weeks tomorrow. I guess I should start believing this is really happening. Still can't really wrap my head around it- and still nervous something bad will happen. As far as symptons- a crappy feeling at night, migraines multiple times a week ( which I think is the worse symptom I have had), and a heightened gag reflex ( which isn't good when you work in an ICU with lots if interesting smells). I have always had a pretty flat stomach ( before starting IVF and the weight gain that went with two cycles)... so even though my clothes still fit- they are not comfortable and I definitely don't think look good! I'm just not ready for maternity clothes! My mom- who is very petite said she started wearing maternity clothes around the 12th-14th week- so we'll see. Lucky for me I wear scrubs for a living!!!

I had my NT scan yesterday (any excuse for an extra ultrsound). The tech said everything looked fine- and we should have our results by Friday or Monday... we'll see. The way she zoomed in in the face made me think it looked like an alien!!

I had my first official scan with the OB at 10wks4days- the baby measured 11 wks and had a Heartrate of 171. Next OB appointment isn't for another week- it seems like forever away!!!!!! Tomorrow is the last day for progesterone too. I am kinda scared to stop it just like that... I'll prob call the RE just to double check...

I have a question for all you ladies who have rented dopplers... what kind and where did you rent them from? I would like to buy- but my husband thinks its a little crazy I want one to begin with- so spending $450 on one is out of the question... Some of the websites I was in required a doctor's prescription. What did ya'll do??

I am doing this blog post from my phone- and I'm going to try to upload our ultrasound pictures from 10wks4days- hopefully it works!!

Hopefully you all have a good weekend. If you are living in the nirtheast- I hope you have been staying dry! We have gotten about 8inches of rain over the last few says- and didn't really believe in flash floods until I almost got swept away yesterday- but that's for another post!

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Slacking on Updates...

Thanks Courtney for showing your concern- and getting me to update!  When I'm working 12 hour shifts, I'm in no mood to update afterwards!  We also went to Pittsburgh over the weekend so I haven't been at a computer either... I am technically 9 wks and 5 days today!

Ultrasound this past Friday looked good!  Baby still had a heartbeat.  Appointment took forever.  We got there at the usual- 7:15 and didn't get seen until almost 9am!  Right after the appointment we drove to Pittsburgh where hubby's dad lives.  We hung out with him and took the puppy to this AWESOME dog park called Misty Pines Dog Park.  Sidney was having so much fun there, that she literally started crying (well, whining/whimpering) when it was time to go.  Before we left, we told my hubby's dad the good news.  He was excited for us.  Since all our parents know we are going through infertility treatments and when we've been doing them, I guess they were kind of expecting it.  Plus- I  CAN NOT hide my boobs anymore.  They are a dead giveaway.

I had my first OB appointment on Monday- it was just a 2hr get my history appointment and explain how all this was going to work.  Apparently appointments every 4 weeks for the first 28wks and then every two weeks, and the closer you get- then every week.  When the nurse midwife came in, I don't think she had exactly read that I had just had an ultrasound three days previously, so she preformed one at the last minute.  It took her forever to find the baby (my bladder was full) and she hadn't done ultrasounds in a while since they have an ultrasound tech that does them for her.  My appointment was just so late that everyone had left.... But finally she found little Baby and the heart was beating away and she said everything looked good.  I am scheduled for a detailed "first ultrasound" next Tuesday and then my next appointment with the actual doctor is September 23.  I'm thinking about doing the NT scan if my insurance covers it- just so we can see the baby again.  I really want to get an ultrasound everyday- and have been tempted to walk over to L&D and beg them for an ultrasound while I'm working.... am I crazy???? (I know I ask that a lot).

I still haven't had a whole lot of symptoms.  I have been getting bad migraines- but I feel like they are mostly related to being at work- but they will last over a day (I will probably post about how bad work is getting on another day- just to vent).  I know I say I haven't had a whole lot of symptoms a lot- which some people probably think is great- but it just makes me very nervous.  Everytime I don't have food aversions or I am not hungry- I freak out.  Last night I didn't get up to pee in the middle of the night and today I'm not as hungry. I'm pretty sure I'm reading too much into everything.  I don't know.  I have been thinking about getting a Doppler (or renting one) after this ultrasound, just to ease my mind.  I know that the farther I get along, the less likely it is, but I am NOT lucky!  Any suggestions on the no symptoms/ possibly renting/buying a Doppler?  I'll just feel so much better after I reach the second trimester. Almost there... Keep growing little baby!

Hubby and I leave for Nashville tomorrow. That is where I grew up and my grandparents still live there.  We are celebrating my grandfather's 80th birthday on Saturday and having a mini-family reunion.  I think once my brother and sisters see me, they are going to know something is going on.  Like I have said- I can't hide these boobs.  I'm up like two cup sizes- and for someone who had a flat stomach (that isn't flat anymore) and always wore fitted tshirts- I don't have ANY shirts that fit good anymore (or at least that I feel comfortable in- I'm my biggest critic).  I have been wearing loose fitting sundresses- which will be good in the 100 degree Tennessee heat- but will definitely give it away.  I want one more ultrasound before we go!  I just want to make sure before the rest of my family finds out!  My husband jokes with the doc and says I would get an ultrasound everyday if I could- which is totally true.  Something is wrong with me....

Anyways- I guess that is it- I will post some "fun" not boring you with my stress related pregnancy that I'm sure no one likes to hear me complain about soon- and lots of pictures.... since I am obsessed with pictures... and my dog.  :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Here is a pic of little one!  I'm 9 weeks (it was from this past Friday)

am i crazy?

So over the last couple days- I thought my symptoms were getting worse- more gagging and definitely more food aversions. I was hungry constantly- if I didn't eat every few hours I thought I was going to pass out or throw up.

But then last night I came home from work with a horrible migraine. I wasn't even a little bit hungry. The thought of food made me want to vomit. I took two tylenol pm and went to bed.... without dinner. I thought I was going to wake up in the middle of the night or early this morning starving... but I didn't. I woke up this morning- dare say it- normal? No food aversions no nausea... just not very hungry.

I dunno. Maybe I an overanalyzing everything too much. My husband tells me to stop stressing. I know there is nothing I can do to change anything that happens, but its just so hard. I want this little baby so bad.

This is going to be a long day. Ultrasound tomorrow. Should be nine weeks....

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Still not a lot of symptoms...

Gosh- I don't think I'm ever going to stop stressing... at least for a few more weeks. Today I am a little over 8 weeks. I still don't have any morning sickness. I know some of you may think I am lucky but it makes me very nervous... I have read that your chances of miscarriage are higher when you don't have morning sickness. I don't feel pregnant.... just fat. Hardly any of my clothes fit me anymore. But that could be because my boobs have grown about two cup sizes. I went from a hardly a B to a very full C. It definitely makes the hubby happy. I do have the ocasional food aversions and at times a heightened gag reflex especially when I haven't eaten. Occasionally some crampy feelings and pressure (bloating?) in the pooch area. Not really anything else.

On saturday I got sick with a sinus thing. That hasn't helped anything. There isn't much you can do- and what you can take are so limited when you are pregnant- so I am stuck with tylenol pm to help me sleep and tissues by my side throughout the day...

I dunno. Soo nervous. Next ultrasound is Friday. Keep praying that this baby is part of the Lord's plan for us and we'll see that little heartbeat flickering away.

I hope all ya'll had a better weekend than me!

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bleeding and an extra ultrasound...

So I just realized that my ultrasound post that I wrote the other day never uploaded. We had our first ultrasound last Friday when I was 7 weeks. The doc said everything looked good and when I asked what the heartbeat was they said, "oh it's really fast." I was kind of annoyed but, My mom said they just want me to stop stressing and google everything.

Last night a group of girlfriends and I went to see the movie- The Help. When I went to the bathroom during the movie I noticed some pink spotting. I went back to the movie and tried not to stress about it. Right after the movie was over I went straight to the bathroom again and noticed even more pink spotting. I was crying. I left the theater and called the hubby on the way home and the doc. I went to bed as soon as I got home trying to get my mind off everything. There is nothing we could do about it now anyways. I had no spotting overnight but when I got up- as soon as I stood up - it started again. This time it was more brown. We drove the 45 minutes to the doctors this morning. Ultrasound looked fine and showed baby with heartbeat. ( Doc still wouldn't tell me what it was). It is amazing how much bigger the baby is in just a few days. They said spotting is normal but I should keep off my feet for the next couple of days.

The doctors want me to go ahead and make an ob appointment since it can take a few weeks before they see me. We go back to the re one more time next week (probably friday) and if everything looks good, we are driving up to pittsburgh to tell the hubby's dad the good news...

This truly is God's miracles at work...

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terrified...

So tomorrow is the dreaded ultrasound. I am scared to death they will not see a heartbeat or possibly anything at all. Food aversions here and there, tired (but who is it after working 12 hours in an icy). But that is it. No other symptoms really. No morning sickness. No nausea. I don't feel pregnant at all, maybe just a little fat. Can geatational sacs disappear? Could my uterus be empty? I started feeling a little crampy off and on the other day. I was convinced I was miscarrying. I even wore a pad and dark pants to work the last 2 days convinced that I was going to find blood.

Okay now just scared to death and just stressed out. We will know in the next 12 hours.... I almost don't even want to find out.

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no symptoms...

So I am suppose to be 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.... but I am really nervous because I really haven't been having any symptoms. My boobs are HUGE (which my husband is loving since I was originally barely a B)... Occasionally I have food aversions or I think I might be a little nauseated- but feels so inconsistent I think its just in my head. I dunno. Our next ultrasound isn't until Friday and I am just stressing myself out. I just want to feel pregnant- besides just feeling fat!

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Ultrasound

So... I guess I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. Its been a week since I posted. All I've been doing is working. Twelve hour shifts are kicking my butt... and when I haven't been working- I have been stressing... stressing about the ultasound... worried they weren't going to see anything....

I have been nervous. I haven't really felt "different." Cramps/pooch pressure every now and then. Being tired- but then again I am always tired (icu nurse and twelve hour shifts), and occasionally certain food aversions-- but I feel like it is so far and in between that it might just be in my head!

Yesterday I got a horrible migraine- and still woke up with it this morning. After the ultasound I ended up sleeping all day- this stupid headache just won't go away! Sucks all I can take is tylenol!!!

Now- the ultrasound... (I know- save the most important part for the end)... we were able to see our little baby right away and the doctor pointed out the yolk sac. But that's all we could see. The doctor and nurse said everything looked perfect. I just wish we could have seen a heartbeat- but I know its early. Next ultrasound is next Friday! Keep praying!!!!

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Beta #3

At 19dpo (or 16dpt3dt) my third and final beta was 971 - for a doubling time of 42hrs.  I am still paranoid this is low or not a quick enough doubling time, even though all websites I read say a normal doubling time is every 48-72hrs.  I need to stop googling blogs and different forums!  Everyone is different... so I need to stop comparing!  It is just stressing me out!  Anywho- ultrasound is scheduled for next Wednesday... this is going to be a LONG week!

My mom is soo funny.  Her and I are super close.  She has come in for at least one part of each IVF process (after the first one, she came in for the transfer, and after this one she came in after my retrieval - since my hubby couldn't really take off work afterwards).  She knows everything - and I pretty much talk to her on a daily basis.  She was the second (and only) person I told after my first positive pregnancy test.  After talking to my husband about the results of my betas, I always call my mom next.  Today I was talking with her- telling her my concerns about my numbers.  She started reading off all these blogs about ladies who have similar numbers to what I have had who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies, and even twins!  She told me today that she is officially addicted to reading infertility blogs- and that is pretty much all she has been doing everyday for the past week!  I told her, I know exactly how it is - because I was there too- especially after we were diagnosed and told IVF was our only hope!  I just hope she doesn't accidentally come across my blog! :)

Here is a pic of me and my mom...

People say we look like sisters/twins... she has always loved that! :)

Beta #2

Beta #2 came back 448... doubling time of 41hrs (at 15dp3dt).

I am soooo freaked out/nervous/stressed.

I feel like the numbers are on the lower side, or they aren't doubling fast enough, or that something will go wrong.  Everything I have read says that the numbers/doubling time are fine, but I feel like compared to the blogs I read, it is lower.  I need to stop googling and reading blogs!!  It is stressing me out!

I go back Wednesday for Beta #3 and if it still looks good, then ultrasound next week.

Praying... Praying.... Praying.... This is all in God's hands -- I need to stop trying to take control because I can't.

Since I'm stressed- I am posting pictures of a much less stressful place/time...

These are from our Mediterranean Adventure last fall... about a month or two before we got diagnosed.  I thought- we are going on vacation... we are relaxed.... there will be lots of wine... we'll definitely come back pregnant!  Little did I know...

 The coast of Greece... It was beautiful

 In front of the Parthenon- on the Acropolis in Athens

 Some of the coast of Greece- on our way to the Temple of Poseidon

Beautiful Greek Sunset over the Mediterranean

The Two Week Wait is OVER!

I have been meaning to post earlier, but I just couldn't.  I was nervous, scared, excited, but was scared... scared to say anything or get excited or anything - because I was scared it would end.

8dp3dt...
Horrible cramping and pressure in the "pooch" over last couple days.  I just felt... "off."  Today would have been the first day I could have had a positive pregnancy test so I did it.  I told the hubby I wouldn't, but I couldn't hold out any longer.... faint positive.  VERY faint.  But I had never seen anything that close to a positive in my whole life, so WTF?  I started crying, thanking God.  I knew this was from Him.  I took a picture of it and sent it to my husband.  I called him right afterwards- he was busy at work so he wasn't happy that I was calling him.  As he was telling me he didn't have time to check his email, we lost connection.  He called back two minutes later and was like... I don't get it. The picture wasn't good quality, so it was hard to see the faint line.  He was kinda upset, that I tested, and said he wasn't going to get too excited until the blood test.  I agreed, trying not to get too excited.  I knew the possiblity of things ending were high.

9dp3dt
Continued pressure and cramping in the pooch area.  It is also sticking out and I can't suck it in.  I took my last first response test in the morning, and it was definitely darker than the day before.  I was excited, but still didn't believe it.  My husband and I didn't even talk about it - I think because we were both so scared that it would end.  My POAS obsession had started though- I went out and bought more tests (ept test were the cheapest- so I went with those).

10dp3dt
I took an EPT in the morning- it was the one witht he +/- sign.  It was so faint that I felt like I was imagining the plus sign.  I had to go to work that morning and the whole 12hr shift sucked.  I was miserable and kept thinking it was over.  Chemical pregnancy.  I continued to have cramping and pressure, but developed a more severe pain on my right side.  It was really bad when my bladder was full (and especially after I peed) and sometimes when I moved too quickly.  I also hadn't done #2 in a few, so I was miserable.  I told my husband that I thought I wasn't pregnant anymore.  He got upset with me for being so negative... On my way home I picked up the first response tests again and took it as soon as I got home from work.  Definitely two lines.  Showed the hubby and promised I would try to be more optimistic.

11dpt3dt
Tested again- two lines.  Not feeling any different except a lot of pressure/cramping in the pooch.  Sometimes I feel like I have certain food aversions, but I don't know if it is just in my head.  The thought of cereal for breakfast the last few days has not been exciting, so I have driven to Chik-fil-a for breakfast.  I dunno...  Getting a little more excited, but trying not to... Unfortunantly kept thinking about chemical and ectopic pregnancies...

12dpt3dt -- Beta Day
I didn't get any sleep the night before.  I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep.  I was so stressed out.  I was worried the number was going to be too low, it wasn't going to double... worried I was having an ectopic pregnancy... I was so stressed out, I was making myself sick.  I took another test in the morning and couldn't tell if it was darker than the last or not.... more stress.  At 7- we finally left and got to the doctor - 45min away.  So, the nurse ends up telling me that they don't do those tests on the weekend.  I was like, why did you schedule my for the weekend then?  She said she didn't know, but that they don't do tests.  I was really upset- I told her that no one called me, I drove 45min on a SATURDAY morning for this test, and if they didn't run the test, thenI would take a lab form to the hospital where I work (down the street) and get them to draw the test for me.  She was like, fine, handed my my lab slip and said they would go ahead and draw it as an "emergency test."  What kind of lab doesn't run HCG on a weekend- I dunno...

afterwards- my husband went car shopping.  Our car was officially totalled on Thursday by the insurrance company and we have to give our rental back soon, so Saturday was pretty much our only day.

A few ours later- the nurse called with the results.  201... our beta was 201.  We were officially pregnant.  We still have to go for a test on Monday and Wednesday to make sure it doubles....

I AM SCARED TO DEATH IT ISN'T GOING TO DOUBLE.... I know this is in God's hands, and whatever happens is part of his plan, but I keep praying that this is really happening and we get to meet our little baby in 9months. 

Soooo... not getting too excited yet, but praying and keeping my fingers crossed!

I hope everyone else had a good weekend!

5dp3dt... ugh

So- after our transfer, I was hopeful.  We had one perfect 8-cell and one perfect 7-cell. 

But now, five days into my two week wait- it is getting really difficult for me to stay so optimistic.  I have been having a ton of pressure/fullness/cramping in the pooch area since the day after transfer (so I know it can't be related to implantation).  I know this can be a result of  the endom.etrium, but who knows.  I'm just feeling more depressed about the whole cycle now -- and totally stressing about it (which could be one reason why my stomach feels like that as well).  I want this to work so bad.  I wish there was a sign or something I could do to make sure this works, but there isn't. 

I have been taking it easy since transfer, but today is my first day back at work. I don't think it is good to be moving around and lifting ICU patients, but who knows.  I can't take off more work than I already have!

Ugh.  I am sorry I haven't been commenting much on everyone's blogs.  I've been trying to keep my distance a little big from blogger since I was comparing every single person's successful and unsuccessful cycle to mine- which just wasn't helping on the stress level.

One week til beta. 

Also- the car people called to let us know that our car was almost at the cut off of being totalled (basically the cost has to be 75% or more than what the car is worth and ours is a little more than 90% of that 75%-- I have no idea if that actually makes sense).  Hubby and I test drove some crossovers the other day after church.  I'm kind of liking the Che.vy Equin.ox.  We'll find out this week if the insurrance will just decide to total the car or repair it.  Just one more thing, right?

And because I'm obsessed with my dog- here is a picture of her with a dog statue down in DC at the FDR Memorial...

PUPO with Twins!

Docs really didn't want to transfer three, so we did two - one 8-cell grade 4 and one 7-cell grade three/four. On bedrest the rest of the day. We still have two growing- one >8 cell which may be growing a little too fast and one six cell grade 3. We'll see if they keep growing! Fingers crossed!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!

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finally catching a break?

So- hadn't updated in a few days. I spent the day after retrieval throwing up for 24 hours (despite zofran) and then spent the rest of the time sulking and deppressed...

Friday was my retrieval. The procedure itself went fine, but woke up in so much pain. I didn't have any pain after the last one... so this was new. I figured they must of had tons eggs retrieved for this amount of pain... but no. Only six. Six eggs. I was devestated. No one could offer any explanation of why I could have so many good follicles- but hardly any eggs... with our crappy sperm and success last time- I was doubtful for good fertilization reports.

The next day (yesterday) the nurse called with our fertilization reports. I was prepared for none- but we got three. Two two-cell and one a little farther behind. I was so upset. I was talking to the nurse trying to figure out what went wrong. I was like I am 27- and as far as you all could diagnose- nothing is wrong with me. There is no reason that I should only have six eggs. I was also upset- because I felt like when we suggested canceling the cycle with my drop in estrogen - the MDs just kind of blew me off and said everything would be fine. The nurse asked if I wanted the doc to call me- I said it wouldn't change anything so she didn't have to.

The doc called me back a little later. She was nice enough. Said things I already knew. I told her that since we only had three embryos I wanted to do a three day transfer and put all three back. She said that we could do a three day transfer if we wanted, but she wouldn't suggest putting three back since triplets do carry their own risks. I asked to just play it by ear with how they progressed and she agreed.

Today the doctor called me (suprised) and said good news! One of the embryos that they didn't think fertilized - had and had caught up to a four-cell (where it is suppose to be). We had two five-cells and one three-cell. She said that now that we had four- all good quality embryos- she said we could go back to a five day transfer if we wanted - or we could still do three days. Based on the quality - she wouldn't transfer three embryos though.

So here we are. Planning for transfer tomorrow. May still insist that we transfer three since I don't think any others will make it to freeze. We'll see what the doctors say and look at the quality tomorrow. Please continue prayers for us and I hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July! I will be pupo and on bedrest- but I wouldn't change it. Happy that with all the bumps we've had this week that we've made it this far!

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i guess we are still a go...

So I went to the doctor today for another ultrasound in blood work. My husband was nice enough to work from home today and go with me since we only have one car now. We were both really concerned that because of the drop in the estrogen that we would have the same outcome as we did last time. The doctors didn't seem to understand our concerns and kept saying everything looks, fine everything looks fine. I was like, everything looked fine last time but the drop in estrogen left us with bad egg quality. The doctor looked over all my labs and said that the last blood work showed my lh dropped which would explain my drop in estrogen. He said this is not an egg quality issue. So on that note, we are a go for trigger tonight. When I did get a home I google to decrease in lh during ivf. I did not find much but what I did find was not encouraging. Oh well it's just another 15,000 dollars right??? ( For some reason I am not quite sure the doctors are ever going to understand how much money time and emotions we put in today- not to mention the physical part)

Thanks everyone for your kind comments and support over the last few days. I am sorry I haven't been commenting much but I have been super stressed out with the car accident, dealing with insurances, trying to get a rental, taking my car to the shop, and about to go for retrieval. I told my husband that maybe the car was wrecked for a reason ( we are waiting to see if it is completely totaled or not)- it's a sign we needed to get a new car before the babies come!

I tried to include a picture of us from the weekend- I am doing this from my phone so I have no idea if it will turn out. I hope everyone is having a good day!

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Not Again...

So doctor appointment this morning showed lots of follicles- probably between 20-30.  The doctor said, "you have a nice little crop growing here."  Seriously?  You are going to call my ovaries/eggs a crop!?  Whatever.  She said the accident shouldn't have affected anything during IVF.  I didn't want to get into my theory of stress causing early ovulation or anything like that... so I left it at that.

Then they call with my results.  My E2 dropped this time around too.  Granted it is not as big of a drop as the last time (1050 to 600 or something).  This time it just dropped by 100.  The nurse said they have no idea why it dropped, but she said that everyone's labs looked a "little low" today.  They are increasing my meds and having me go back to the doctor on Wednesday.

I really just don't know if I want to go through it again.  This is our last shot on this insurrance (with this clinic) and then we won't be able to try again until everything gets settled with my husband's insurrance.  Last time my drop in E2 left me with 12 crappy eggs out of 40+ follicles and a BFN.  If this is going to leave me with crappy eggs again- then I want to stop now and try again in a month!  I just don't think we would know about egg quality until retreival for sure- but then we wouldn't have any insurrance money left.  I don't know what to do.  So stressed.

seriously!?

Sooo.. awesome weekend. I had all these pics I was going to post and everything. Couldn't wait. As we were coming home from DC we were rear-ended on the Capital Beltway ( sorry if you were stuck in traffic from it-cuz it caused a mess ). Hubby, me, and puppy are ok. My car- not so much. It's totaled.

I am really worried that this could mess up our IVF. WE were suppose to go to retrieval Wednesday or Thursday. Do any of you know anything about canceling IVF after something like this? Could it cause me to ovulate or anything? Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Doctor appointment tomorrow AM.

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Lucky Cookies?

Today is cycle day seven of our second attempt at IVF.  REALLY REALLY hoping that it goes so much better than our first!  I feel like I am having more symptoms this round then the last, even though I'm on a smaller amount of meds.  I compltely had a meltdown at work on Sunday- crying and everything- just because I felt a little overwhelmed.  So embarassed afterwards.  I have had more stomach/ovary pain this time around too.  The last two days I have been hungry, but not hungry.  Its like I want to eat, but nothing sounds good!

Anyways.  That brings me to last night.  Last night, since I couldn't figure out what I wanted and nothing sounded good, my husband got some Chinese.  Cuz that is the go to food when you aren't hungry and just not feeling good, right? :)  (Oh well, he tried!).  In our bag of chinese food was this:



Twin Fortune Cookies

 They were like fortune cookie twins - in one package.  Of course- since I'm all hormonal and looking to anything and everything to give me luck this cycle- I thought it was a sign!  I just knew it was going to tell me some sort of good fortune on how I was going to get pregnant (with twins!) or something like that.  Cracked them both open... and as it turns out they were just two fortune cookies.  Nothing special.  No exciting fortune.  I think one of them said don't lend your friends money (well, duh) and the second was many exciting parties to come your way or something.  I tried to read into that (baby showers??), but nah.  I'm going to a birthday party for my husband's side of the family this weekend... maybe that is what it meant.  Oh well.  The mind of an infertile woman... whactcha gonna do?  I think we all try to find signs from the universe- something that will say- you aren't donig this for nothing!  It will all be worth it!  You will one day be a mom!!  I just want my two lines. That's all.  That is not too much to ask for right?

June ICLW!

Hello, if this is the first time stopping by!

My hubby and I are currently going through our second round of IVF.  We were diagnosed at the beginning of this year with severe male factor infertility.  Only option of conceiving is through IVF + ICSI, and even with that, I'm not sure how good our chances are.  Our first round of IVF was a fail.  After stimming too fast- I had between 40-50 follicles- they backed off on all my meds and two days before my retrieval, my estrogen fell really low.  They were able to get it back up with my hcg shot (trigger shot), but they were only able to retrieve 12 poor quality eggs.  Crappy eggs + really really crappy sperm = poor quality embryos which turn into a BFN.  I am not a HUGE fan of my current RE office.  I felt like they really downplayed the fact that my estrogen dropped real low, they almost had to cancel my cycle, and I had really poor quality eggs (not to mention only 12 eggs out of 50 follicles) and completely blamed the failed cycle on our MFI.  I'm not a doctor or a specialist of any kind, but from what I have read, egg quality is more of a factor of embryo quality then sperm quality-- especially when you are doing ICSI... so here we go again! 

Today was cycle day five (I think? I get all confused!) and my first appointment after starting stims last Friday.  Everything looked good.  I'm on a lot lower dose of medicine this time around and the name of the game is slow and steady. Let's hope it keeps going this way.  I think we are looking at around the Fourth of July for our retrieval.

Also, if you are new to the blog- I absolutely love taking and posting pictures (especially of our puppy Sidney).  Yesterday we went on a five mile walk (since no more real exercise during stims!) and these are some pics from our walk!

This is our baby Sidney.  She is an almost two year old yellow (or strawberry blonde as I call her) lab that we rescued from Lab Rescue of the Mid Atlantic.  We love her more than anything. 

 Posing for the camera.  We were coming up on mile four here... so she was getting a little hot.



The lily pads in the water.  This is good as you can get with a phone camera! 

The lake where we go running.  It has a 2.5mile path that goes around it, so I come here often for runs.  It is just so quiet and beautiful here... doesn't even feel like you are in Maryland!

Good To Go!

So everything looked good on the ultrasound this morning and all lab values came back perfect.... so why do I feel so apprehensive towards this cycle? I think I am just depressed because I know if this one fails (which I feel like there is a good chance it will)-- I will have to wait until next year before trying anything again. Ugh! Will I ever become pregnant?

So tell me this ladies... has anyone ever felt so "blah" about their next cycle after a failed one?

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Here We Go Again...

Wow... I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted.  I keep thinking of posts I want to write, but just haven't really found the energy to make it down to the basement where we keep our computer and turn it on!  Plus, I feel like I've been busy with work and other things.  But anyways... Surprisingly, AF showed up this morning.  A week early (well for me- since my cycles are usually about 36-38 days).  The closer and closer we had been getting to starting this cycle the more nervous I had been getting.  I don't know why I am so much more apprehensive about this cycle then the last.  I even called my husband at work asking him if he wanted to postpone it a month.  In the end, I decided to proceed- called my RE and scheduled my first appointment for tomorrow morning.  If its going to be negative- then I don't think it matters how long we wait- so we may as well get it over with so I can start moving on with my next plans (changing insurances, switching RE's, hubby getting a varicocele repair, traveling, etc).  I feel like it is amazing how many things we put on hold while trying to have a baby.  It is almost like life is on hold.  I truly believe that God has a plan for me (us) and this is part of his plan.  I have no idea why this is the path he has chosen for me, but I believe that I am on this journey for a reason.  I don't know if this will end with our biological child(ren), adopted children, or childless.  I feel like I could accept this so much easier if I understood why (and if I knew what the outcome was going to be!), but that is just not the way He works.  I have been wanting to write a post along those lines for sometime now, but still haven't been able to formulate the right words... so I guess that is just a little preview of what is to come (someday)....

Besides working, we traveled to the lake last weekend with two of our best couple friends (also in our small group at church).  One of the girl's parents  own a lake house, so it was tons of fun (and free!).  Even though it was rainy most of the days- we still had a TON of fun just hanging out with each other and just "getting away."  Here are some pictures of this past weekend.  They were all taken with my phone- so not the best pictures- but I have been too lazy to upload the camera pics yet!

 Of Course no trip is complete without finding a Sonic in the middle of nowhere!  Gotta have my Lemon-Berry Slushes!  There isn't a Sonic near us, so whenever we pass one, I HAVE to stop and take advantage of it- with a Route 44 slush!  Who knows when I'll be able to find one again!

 The first day at the lake!  Absolutely beautiful!

 Another view of the lake on the first day we got there!  (The only day it was sunny- but we still had a blast!)

 Wouldn't be complete without a little bit of cornhole.  My dad made these sets for Joe and I.  One is painted all Tennessee (for me) and the other one is painted a Marist "Red Fox" theme (for Joe).  I always have to explain that one to everyone.  I don't think anyone has ever seen Marist cornhole.  :)  (Tennessee always wins of course!)  If you ever go down to Game Day in Knoxville, your tailgate is not complete without a set of Orange and White Cornhole.

Fog rolling in over the lake after a day of storms... (and the girls kicking some boy butts at CatchPhrase).