no symptoms...

So I am suppose to be 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant today.... but I am really nervous because I really haven't been having any symptoms. My boobs are HUGE (which my husband is loving since I was originally barely a B)... Occasionally I have food aversions or I think I might be a little nauseated- but feels so inconsistent I think its just in my head. I dunno. Our next ultrasound isn't until Friday and I am just stressing myself out. I just want to feel pregnant- besides just feeling fat!

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Ultrasound

So... I guess I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. Its been a week since I posted. All I've been doing is working. Twelve hour shifts are kicking my butt... and when I haven't been working- I have been stressing... stressing about the ultasound... worried they weren't going to see anything....

I have been nervous. I haven't really felt "different." Cramps/pooch pressure every now and then. Being tired- but then again I am always tired (icu nurse and twelve hour shifts), and occasionally certain food aversions-- but I feel like it is so far and in between that it might just be in my head!

Yesterday I got a horrible migraine- and still woke up with it this morning. After the ultasound I ended up sleeping all day- this stupid headache just won't go away! Sucks all I can take is tylenol!!!

Now- the ultrasound... (I know- save the most important part for the end)... we were able to see our little baby right away and the doctor pointed out the yolk sac. But that's all we could see. The doctor and nurse said everything looked perfect. I just wish we could have seen a heartbeat- but I know its early. Next ultrasound is next Friday! Keep praying!!!!

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Beta #3

At 19dpo (or 16dpt3dt) my third and final beta was 971 - for a doubling time of 42hrs.  I am still paranoid this is low or not a quick enough doubling time, even though all websites I read say a normal doubling time is every 48-72hrs.  I need to stop googling blogs and different forums!  Everyone is different... so I need to stop comparing!  It is just stressing me out!  Anywho- ultrasound is scheduled for next Wednesday... this is going to be a LONG week!

My mom is soo funny.  Her and I are super close.  She has come in for at least one part of each IVF process (after the first one, she came in for the transfer, and after this one she came in after my retrieval - since my hubby couldn't really take off work afterwards).  She knows everything - and I pretty much talk to her on a daily basis.  She was the second (and only) person I told after my first positive pregnancy test.  After talking to my husband about the results of my betas, I always call my mom next.  Today I was talking with her- telling her my concerns about my numbers.  She started reading off all these blogs about ladies who have similar numbers to what I have had who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies, and even twins!  She told me today that she is officially addicted to reading infertility blogs- and that is pretty much all she has been doing everyday for the past week!  I told her, I know exactly how it is - because I was there too- especially after we were diagnosed and told IVF was our only hope!  I just hope she doesn't accidentally come across my blog! :)

Here is a pic of me and my mom...

People say we look like sisters/twins... she has always loved that! :)

Beta #2

Beta #2 came back 448... doubling time of 41hrs (at 15dp3dt).

I am soooo freaked out/nervous/stressed.

I feel like the numbers are on the lower side, or they aren't doubling fast enough, or that something will go wrong.  Everything I have read says that the numbers/doubling time are fine, but I feel like compared to the blogs I read, it is lower.  I need to stop googling and reading blogs!!  It is stressing me out!

I go back Wednesday for Beta #3 and if it still looks good, then ultrasound next week.

Praying... Praying.... Praying.... This is all in God's hands -- I need to stop trying to take control because I can't.

Since I'm stressed- I am posting pictures of a much less stressful place/time...

These are from our Mediterranean Adventure last fall... about a month or two before we got diagnosed.  I thought- we are going on vacation... we are relaxed.... there will be lots of wine... we'll definitely come back pregnant!  Little did I know...

 The coast of Greece... It was beautiful

 In front of the Parthenon- on the Acropolis in Athens

 Some of the coast of Greece- on our way to the Temple of Poseidon

Beautiful Greek Sunset over the Mediterranean

The Two Week Wait is OVER!

I have been meaning to post earlier, but I just couldn't.  I was nervous, scared, excited, but was scared... scared to say anything or get excited or anything - because I was scared it would end.

8dp3dt...
Horrible cramping and pressure in the "pooch" over last couple days.  I just felt... "off."  Today would have been the first day I could have had a positive pregnancy test so I did it.  I told the hubby I wouldn't, but I couldn't hold out any longer.... faint positive.  VERY faint.  But I had never seen anything that close to a positive in my whole life, so WTF?  I started crying, thanking God.  I knew this was from Him.  I took a picture of it and sent it to my husband.  I called him right afterwards- he was busy at work so he wasn't happy that I was calling him.  As he was telling me he didn't have time to check his email, we lost connection.  He called back two minutes later and was like... I don't get it. The picture wasn't good quality, so it was hard to see the faint line.  He was kinda upset, that I tested, and said he wasn't going to get too excited until the blood test.  I agreed, trying not to get too excited.  I knew the possiblity of things ending were high.

9dp3dt
Continued pressure and cramping in the pooch area.  It is also sticking out and I can't suck it in.  I took my last first response test in the morning, and it was definitely darker than the day before.  I was excited, but still didn't believe it.  My husband and I didn't even talk about it - I think because we were both so scared that it would end.  My POAS obsession had started though- I went out and bought more tests (ept test were the cheapest- so I went with those).

10dp3dt
I took an EPT in the morning- it was the one witht he +/- sign.  It was so faint that I felt like I was imagining the plus sign.  I had to go to work that morning and the whole 12hr shift sucked.  I was miserable and kept thinking it was over.  Chemical pregnancy.  I continued to have cramping and pressure, but developed a more severe pain on my right side.  It was really bad when my bladder was full (and especially after I peed) and sometimes when I moved too quickly.  I also hadn't done #2 in a few, so I was miserable.  I told my husband that I thought I wasn't pregnant anymore.  He got upset with me for being so negative... On my way home I picked up the first response tests again and took it as soon as I got home from work.  Definitely two lines.  Showed the hubby and promised I would try to be more optimistic.

11dpt3dt
Tested again- two lines.  Not feeling any different except a lot of pressure/cramping in the pooch.  Sometimes I feel like I have certain food aversions, but I don't know if it is just in my head.  The thought of cereal for breakfast the last few days has not been exciting, so I have driven to Chik-fil-a for breakfast.  I dunno...  Getting a little more excited, but trying not to... Unfortunantly kept thinking about chemical and ectopic pregnancies...

12dpt3dt -- Beta Day
I didn't get any sleep the night before.  I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep.  I was so stressed out.  I was worried the number was going to be too low, it wasn't going to double... worried I was having an ectopic pregnancy... I was so stressed out, I was making myself sick.  I took another test in the morning and couldn't tell if it was darker than the last or not.... more stress.  At 7- we finally left and got to the doctor - 45min away.  So, the nurse ends up telling me that they don't do those tests on the weekend.  I was like, why did you schedule my for the weekend then?  She said she didn't know, but that they don't do tests.  I was really upset- I told her that no one called me, I drove 45min on a SATURDAY morning for this test, and if they didn't run the test, thenI would take a lab form to the hospital where I work (down the street) and get them to draw the test for me.  She was like, fine, handed my my lab slip and said they would go ahead and draw it as an "emergency test."  What kind of lab doesn't run HCG on a weekend- I dunno...

afterwards- my husband went car shopping.  Our car was officially totalled on Thursday by the insurrance company and we have to give our rental back soon, so Saturday was pretty much our only day.

A few ours later- the nurse called with the results.  201... our beta was 201.  We were officially pregnant.  We still have to go for a test on Monday and Wednesday to make sure it doubles....

I AM SCARED TO DEATH IT ISN'T GOING TO DOUBLE.... I know this is in God's hands, and whatever happens is part of his plan, but I keep praying that this is really happening and we get to meet our little baby in 9months. 

Soooo... not getting too excited yet, but praying and keeping my fingers crossed!

I hope everyone else had a good weekend!

5dp3dt... ugh

So- after our transfer, I was hopeful.  We had one perfect 8-cell and one perfect 7-cell. 

But now, five days into my two week wait- it is getting really difficult for me to stay so optimistic.  I have been having a ton of pressure/fullness/cramping in the pooch area since the day after transfer (so I know it can't be related to implantation).  I know this can be a result of  the endom.etrium, but who knows.  I'm just feeling more depressed about the whole cycle now -- and totally stressing about it (which could be one reason why my stomach feels like that as well).  I want this to work so bad.  I wish there was a sign or something I could do to make sure this works, but there isn't. 

I have been taking it easy since transfer, but today is my first day back at work. I don't think it is good to be moving around and lifting ICU patients, but who knows.  I can't take off more work than I already have!

Ugh.  I am sorry I haven't been commenting much on everyone's blogs.  I've been trying to keep my distance a little big from blogger since I was comparing every single person's successful and unsuccessful cycle to mine- which just wasn't helping on the stress level.

One week til beta. 

Also- the car people called to let us know that our car was almost at the cut off of being totalled (basically the cost has to be 75% or more than what the car is worth and ours is a little more than 90% of that 75%-- I have no idea if that actually makes sense).  Hubby and I test drove some crossovers the other day after church.  I'm kind of liking the Che.vy Equin.ox.  We'll find out this week if the insurrance will just decide to total the car or repair it.  Just one more thing, right?

And because I'm obsessed with my dog- here is a picture of her with a dog statue down in DC at the FDR Memorial...

PUPO with Twins!

Docs really didn't want to transfer three, so we did two - one 8-cell grade 4 and one 7-cell grade three/four. On bedrest the rest of the day. We still have two growing- one >8 cell which may be growing a little too fast and one six cell grade 3. We'll see if they keep growing! Fingers crossed!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY EVERYONE!

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finally catching a break?

So- hadn't updated in a few days. I spent the day after retrieval throwing up for 24 hours (despite zofran) and then spent the rest of the time sulking and deppressed...

Friday was my retrieval. The procedure itself went fine, but woke up in so much pain. I didn't have any pain after the last one... so this was new. I figured they must of had tons eggs retrieved for this amount of pain... but no. Only six. Six eggs. I was devestated. No one could offer any explanation of why I could have so many good follicles- but hardly any eggs... with our crappy sperm and success last time- I was doubtful for good fertilization reports.

The next day (yesterday) the nurse called with our fertilization reports. I was prepared for none- but we got three. Two two-cell and one a little farther behind. I was so upset. I was talking to the nurse trying to figure out what went wrong. I was like I am 27- and as far as you all could diagnose- nothing is wrong with me. There is no reason that I should only have six eggs. I was also upset- because I felt like when we suggested canceling the cycle with my drop in estrogen - the MDs just kind of blew me off and said everything would be fine. The nurse asked if I wanted the doc to call me- I said it wouldn't change anything so she didn't have to.

The doc called me back a little later. She was nice enough. Said things I already knew. I told her that since we only had three embryos I wanted to do a three day transfer and put all three back. She said that we could do a three day transfer if we wanted, but she wouldn't suggest putting three back since triplets do carry their own risks. I asked to just play it by ear with how they progressed and she agreed.

Today the doctor called me (suprised) and said good news! One of the embryos that they didn't think fertilized - had and had caught up to a four-cell (where it is suppose to be). We had two five-cells and one three-cell. She said that now that we had four- all good quality embryos- she said we could go back to a five day transfer if we wanted - or we could still do three days. Based on the quality - she wouldn't transfer three embryos though.

So here we are. Planning for transfer tomorrow. May still insist that we transfer three since I don't think any others will make it to freeze. We'll see what the doctors say and look at the quality tomorrow. Please continue prayers for us and I hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July! I will be pupo and on bedrest- but I wouldn't change it. Happy that with all the bumps we've had this week that we've made it this far!

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