I am such a Slacker..

I have been wanting to post since my BFN.. but since then I feel like I have been working a ton and busy with weddings, volunteering, and suprisingly reading! (On a seperate note- I highly suggest reading The Art of Racing in the Rain- very good and pretty quick read).

Last week I went for my bllod test to confirm what I already knew. Yeah.. my office FORGOT to call me with the results. Even though I already knew them I still wanted the official confirmation to stop everything... AND I really wanted a big beer (or two) to "celebrate." I called the office and it closes at noon on Thursdays for research time for the docs ir something (I go to a large teaching hospital). I left a message hoping that the nurses still check it, but never got a phone call back. So that evening I called the nurse on call. She was like oh yeah.. I was wondering why I never saw your name on the sign in list so I didn't know you got your blood work done. Well I'm sorry, I'm a nurse too, and if my patient was suppose to come in for important lab work and I didn't think she did, I would have called to check in - make sure everything was ok and that she didn't forget. But whatever that is just me. However- I had gotten up on my day off at 7 am to get my blood drawn. I didn't sign in because the last time I had talked with anyone from the office they said just come in for bloodwork. The nurse obviously didn't have my lab values so she had to call around and find a doc who had access to them. When she FINALLY called she confirmed it and said my RE would call me the next day.

Well, at 8 am the next day ( my other day off) my RE called and woke me up. She caught ne completely off guard and wasn't able to ask any of my questions that I had. She pretty much blamed our bad embryos on my husbands bad sperm, but failed to mention anything about the poor quality eggs they retrieved ( which I shrill blame on them and their lack of monitoring me closely and mismanaging my meds). When I asked about it she kinda talked about it, but changed the subject back to my husbands sperm and how she wanted to talk with the urologist about ways to improve the sperm. She told me she'd call me back Monday... yup still waiting on that call. I know I could have called her, but I've been busy and there really isn't anything we are going to do right this second. Still planning on hopefully starting our next IVF round in June. So now I've just been excited about trying to start exercising again! I was doing so good before last IVF so now just trying to get into again.

I hope everyone is good and have been excited for so many blogging buddies BFP! Hoping soon I'm right there with ya! I'll try to post more regularly, but I am a pretty boring person! :-)

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I Knew It..

POAS this morning... I don't think the test could have looked more obviously negative. That poor little single pink line. The offical blood test isn't until tomorrow and I am definitely not expecting miracles. My mom tried to cheer me up by saying that the blood tests are more accurate and everything, but I know it won't change anything. I think I am most disappointed that this only leaves us one mire try on our insurrance and I can't get on my husbands insurrance until late fall and wouldn't be able to start again until next year. I know I shouldn't jump that far ahead, but I can't help it.

I guess the big question is... do I start another cycle with my next period or do I wait? As much as I want to do it now, I might wait a monthv so I can exercise and be normal again... I dunno. Just disappointed.

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7dp5dt

Heading towards the end of my 2ww and boy am I ready for it to be over.  With the extremely poor qualtiy of this cycle (egg/sperm/drop in estrogen, etc) as well as our poor embryo quality, I'm ready for my bfn so I can move on.  Of course I still have hope that it would have worked, but I feel like at least this way I won't be so disappointed when it is over.  I haven't really been having any symptoms.  Occasionally pressure or a cramp in the ovary/pooch area, migraines the last two days (but those also increase frequency around my period) but that is about it.  On another note, much to my husbands pleasure, since starting IVF and even more since the progesterone, my boobs are HUGE!  They seriously look fake.  I think I have grown almost two cup sizes (plus maybe 5lbs since I've been lazy) since we started this fertility journey! 

I found this website from another girl's blog which I found interesting about what happens after 3/5 day transfer: NYU Fertility Center  -- So I guess the question is -- should I POAS or not!?  I am leaning towards yes at some point before my beta just to mentally prepare myself.  I am lucky that I am not scheduled to work that day.  If it is negative, my doctor did say that I could immediately start another cycle (as long as I have no residual fluid in my abdomen/lungs and my ovaries aren't still enlarged), but I think I might wait one month and then do it.  I don't know!

Here are some pictures of my past week...

At the Nationals Game two days before transfer - only a few rows behind third base!

Picture of the Washington Monument from the Nationals Stadium

The hubby - barely fitting into the gown - right after transfer while I was on bedrest distracting myself from my very very full bladder! No bedpan for me!

Our babies first picture in their new home - of course it makes it to the fridge!

My Baby Girl Sidney all pooped out from going to Bark in the Park where she won 4th place for best trick!

My husband and I hosted a Mother's Day Brunch for his mom who lives close by - and her husband and my sister in law came.  I'm not much of a cook - but ever since we got married I have been trying!  I was so excited - because I got out our REALLY nice wedding china that we've never used! I was more excited about the menu - so I'll share it - and even for you non-cooks - if I can do it you can- and everything turned out great!!!

Raspberry - Orange Sunrise - I made a non-alcoholic version for myself (dork!)

Strawberry Parfaits - for an appetizer

Sausage, Egg, and Cheese Breakfast Casserole

Raspberry Cream Cheese Muffins

and of course dessert!

Peanut Butter Pie

stick babies! stick!

Well... we transfered one poor quality blast and one poor quality not a blast... so I guess we'll just have to wait to see how it goes! My RE keeps saying that with my age and health that she has seen people get pregnant with poor quality embryos- so fingers and toes crossed and lots of prayers! The transfer went smoothly besides the painful full bladder part. My RE said she couldn't believe how big my ovaries were and were suprised that I wasn't having more symptoms. I can definitely feel them- especially when I move around, but I haven't really done much since retrieval. My mom came in town to be with me while hubby is at work and she has been spoiling me!

As much as I want this cycle to work I don't really have high hopes for it considering how everything has gone. Already mentally preparing myself for round two. I like to be pessimistic then pleasently suprised so we'll see. Two week wait starts now!

I'll post some pics when I'm no longer on bedrest! Thanks everyone for your support and prayers...

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They are Still Growing!

Our five little embryos are still growing....

Our center grades them from 1-4 with 4 being the best...

We have:

three cell grade 2
four cell grade 3
five cell grade 2
six cell grade 3
eight cell grade 3

At this point I'm not really counting on any to freeze, but with the bumps we have had on this cycle, I will just be thrilled to make it to have some to transfer.

My RE wants to only transfer one embryo (because of my age/health), but my husband and I are going to do two.  I feel like it gives us our best chance (especially since the quality doesn't seem the greatest!).

Transfer scheduled for Monday!  I have to be there at 7am and by late Monday morning, I'll be "pregnant!"  (Or at least the closest I have ever been before!)

Sorry Guys!

After reading my last post today and not high on anesthesia anymore, I wanted to apologize.  I sounded horrible, complaining about 'only' getting twelve eggs.  I think I was more disappointed that the quality wasn't good and with my husband's sperm being soo horrible, that we just had even less of a chance of things fertilizing normally.  Again, I am sorry!

The nurse did call today and said that we have five that are fertilizing normally so far.... which I am completely thankful for.  Considering that three days ago we might have canceled the cycle- which would have meant no eggs, I am so thankful to have five that are progressing so far.  Husband and I talked, and all we really want/need out of this cycle is one!  We only need one to continue to grow and then stick (of course we'd like more to transfer/freeze, but I'll take what I can get!)!  I asked the nurse about my eggs- and she said they had looked almost "too mature."  Which, because of the drop in my estrogen makes sense.  I guess they let them cook a couple days too long...  I kind of want to hold my RE's office accountable, because I feel like they didn't monitor me very closely (I only went three times before transfer - four if you count the last minute appointment because my estrogen had dropped).  But, there is nothing we can do about it now.  We'll know more the next time we have to do it, then!

As far as symptoms go, I was definitely sick all day yesterday from the anesthesia.  I warned them, but I guess the meds had worn off by the time I got home.  Next time I am getting a prescription for Zofran or something!  One weird thing is, I have hardly had any cramping!  I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do think it is because my estrogen was on the lower side and they didn't take many eggs.... I dunno!

Anyways- I hope everyone has survived the weather that has seemed to hit most states west of the Rocky Mountains.  This weekend is suppose to be beautiful here, so I hope everyone else has a good weekend too!

disappointed...

I am writing from my phone so this is going to be short... The retrieval went fine and I have been sleeping all morning. The docs only got twelve eggs. Out of the fifty follicles they got twelve. He said he was completely suprised by that number as well. He said this is all because of that pretty big drop in estrogen that I had. Ugh. I asked him about the quality and he said it could have been affected but he really couldn't say. I was a little drugged up, but I kind of felt like he wasn't telling me everything... but that could just be me thinking too much. I am suprisingly not having a lot of pain or cramping... but I am getting a pretty bad headache. I guess it is time for another nap. I'll know more when they call me tomorrow....

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Updates (and my first ICLW!)

So, for those of you from ICLW - a quick run down! I'm 27 years old and my husband and I have been married since November 2009.  After trying to conceive for about six months (officially), we were diagnosed with severe male factor infertility.  We are currently at cycle day 7 (?) for our first round of IVF with ICSI.  We have been lucky so far that everything has been working out fairly easily for us.  We were diagnosed at the end of January, got to see a urologist right away (one of the top in the states - who diagnosed the man with a varicocele that we haven't decided if we'll repair), my insurance is cooperating with some of the payments, and were able to start our cycle in April!  Everything has happened so fast and hopefully by the first week in May we'll be pregnant!

I've been meaning to Update sooner, but work has been insanely busy (life as an ICU nurse and 12hr shifts).  I went to my first doctor appointment since starting stims on Wednesday.  Apparently I'm responding a little too well too quickly... I think the doctor said I had between 9-11 follicles on each side- the largest measuring about 9mm.  At my clinic they don't give out a whole lot of details (and I don't ask - because googling will just get me into trouble) - but I do have access to my medical results/labs since I work for the same hospital.  My E2 was 586, which when the nurse called me that afternoon said it was "a little high."  So we've decreased my Bravelle to 75uints a night, started Menopur 75uints and then started my first injection of Ganirelix last night.  Tonight I will continue with the Bravelle, Menopur, and Ganirelix and then tomorrow I will do just Ganirelix and Menopur.  Doctor appointment is scheduled for Saturday morning.  I am SOOOO stressed out about getting OHSS and I kind of feel like I should be going to the doctor more frequently for ultrasounds and labs.  I just keep trying to tell myself that the doctors and nurses know best (hopefully) and if they were more concerned they would want me to be seen more frequently.  The nurse said the EARLIEST we will go to retrieval will be on Monday.  I have a feeling it will be Monday or Tuesday since she said I am responding well.

As far as symptoms go - my "pooch area" is feeling a little "full" and I have gotten a horrible headache every night since Sunday night.  I have been getting migraines since I was in kindergarten (to the point of nausea/vomiting/light-smell sensitivity, etc) and with my hormones being all out of wack - it must be making me more prone to them.  I usually get a really bad one about twice a month - but this has been three times in four days!  They SUCK and I can't take my normal migraine meds for these.  Three times I have gotten to the point of throwing up and have had to take Tylenol PM which just leaves me feeling groggy the next day. UGH- I know that in the end it will be totally worth it!  Hopefully only a few more days!

umm... OUCH!

So last night was the first night of my shots.  I'm taking Bravelle.  My stomach is STILL sore from my shot yesterday.  I keep wondering if I did it wrong or something??  I don't really have a knot at the injection site or anything.  I just feel like I have an invisible bruise and if I lay on my stomach or brush something against that side- it hurts!  Has anyone else taken this medication and has any pointers?  If it keeps up like this I am going to run out of spots to inject pretty quickly!!

My other question for everyone is exercise...  I have always been pretty active and worked out at least five days a week (except over the last few months at the worse of my hypothyroidism before getting started on Synthroid).  I ran four miles today and didn't feel too bad except for that invisible bruise.  What has most people's doctors told them about exercising?  I'm sure I'll get to a point where I won't feel like it, but I'm already at my heaviest I have ever been (I'm assuming because of my hypothyroidism) and I am paranoid about the weight gain that comes with all these hormones!  I want to call my nurse and ask her some questions, but I feel like they aren't the friendliest when it comes to some questions (especially being bothered on a Saturday)..... Another reason why I want to be an infertility nurse.

Here Goes Nothing... or Everything...

So, I met with the RE today for my CD 2 appointment and lab work.  He said everything looked "great," but I didn't get any exact results.  Starting tonight I'm to take 225units of Bravelle through Monday night.  I can't imagine how everyone else feels about these injections/mixing medications up/ and dosages.  I'm a nurse, so I am used to giving injections everyday to patients, but even I'm a little nervous about mixing up the Bravelle and injecting myself.  My husband's face got white when I told him that tonight was the first night of shots (he thought these were the ones that he was suppose to do).  After I told him that these were the ones that I did in my stomach, he looked a little better.  He doesn't do well with needles/blood.  Tuesday morning is my next appointment with the RE for another ultrasound and more blood work.  Right now my biggest fear is OHSS and not being able to get to retrieval or being able to transfer.  I told the nurse my fear and she said this is a small dose and the lab work/ultrasound on Tuesday will show us what we need to do with the medication.  I can't believe that by the end of the month we could be pregnant!  Its completely surreal that we are finally at this point!

It's Here!!!

Yeah!!  So AF started this evening.  Gotta be at the doctor bright and early tomorrow morning for all my tests!

I've Got My Meds... Now what???

All my fertility meds came yesterday....  Right in time for my period to not come on schedule... AWESOME.  I don't even feel like it is coming anytime soon.  What a time for it to be late.  I was tempted all day yesterday to take a pregnancy test, but it was just show a big ole BFN, and I didn't want to do that to myself.  Well, now that I think about it, everytime I used to take a pregnancy test (before we were diagnosed with MFI), my period would start right afterwards, so maybe that would help!? :)  I wonder if my thyroid levels actually being within a normal range now has anything to do with my period being late.  A little over a month ago, my RE diagnosed me with Hashimoto's hypothyroid (about time!  I had only been telling my MDs this for years!).  I was started on synthyroid about six weeks ago and feel 100 times better.  My thyroid level is now perfect.  Who knows.  Well, here is the famous box of meds picture:

It contains:

Endometrin Suppositories Methylprednisolone Bravelle Pregnyl

OB Complete Vitamins Doxycycline Ganirelix Menopur

On another note... it was a beautiful 80 degrees here yesterday so Sidney (the dog) and I took a five mile run in the park... I had to share with you all why I love this park so much!



I hope everyone is having a great day!  I have decided that I need to "spice" my blog up a little more, so hopefully later I'll be doing that on this rainy Tuesday.

The Waiting Game...

I feel like all I've been doing since last January (of 2009) is waiting.... Waiting for that positive test to say that we are to be parents... But a year an a half later... I'm still waiting.

Ever since we threw out the birth control, I feel like our lives have been on hold... we haven't wanted to plan too far in advance, because we were hoping we'd become pregnant... and a baby changes everything!

My husband and I had been looking into selling our townhome and buying a larger single family home.  We had even met with a realtor and then the next day found out that our chance of conceiving naturally was less than one percent.  So needless to say that those plans are on hold.  Why spend all that money on a large single family house if we can't fill it?  So now we are waiting to see what happens with IVF before we make those kinds of decisions.

I've also been wanting to change the area I work it.  As a critical care nurse, these three to four stressful twelve hour shifts a week are KILLING me!  As a nurse, we are lucky that there are many specialties that we can work in.  I haven't applied to any new areas because I didn't want to get a new job, then get pregnant and want to go on maternity leave nine months later.  Plus, I have been extremely lucky that my current manager is working with my schedule with the upcoming cycle... Plus I can't complain... my insurance is covering the majority of our IVF.  Through this experience though, I have found what I truly want to do.  I would like to work in an infertility clinic.  Finding out you may never have children is devastating and the whole process, with all the shots, blood tests, ultrasounds, etc can be scary and intimidating.  I feel like after going through the process that so many other couples have gone through it will just make me a better nurse and person.

And now  I'm waiting some more.  Waiting for my period to start so we can get this cycle started!  The closer I get to the date it is SUPPOSE to start, the more nervous I'm getting.  I feel like I am not having any of my pre-period symptoms... so I'm just hoping its not thinking about skipping a month or taking its time!