i guess we are still a go...

So I went to the doctor today for another ultrasound in blood work. My husband was nice enough to work from home today and go with me since we only have one car now. We were both really concerned that because of the drop in the estrogen that we would have the same outcome as we did last time. The doctors didn't seem to understand our concerns and kept saying everything looks, fine everything looks fine. I was like, everything looked fine last time but the drop in estrogen left us with bad egg quality. The doctor looked over all my labs and said that the last blood work showed my lh dropped which would explain my drop in estrogen. He said this is not an egg quality issue. So on that note, we are a go for trigger tonight. When I did get a home I google to decrease in lh during ivf. I did not find much but what I did find was not encouraging. Oh well it's just another 15,000 dollars right??? ( For some reason I am not quite sure the doctors are ever going to understand how much money time and emotions we put in today- not to mention the physical part)

Thanks everyone for your kind comments and support over the last few days. I am sorry I haven't been commenting much but I have been super stressed out with the car accident, dealing with insurances, trying to get a rental, taking my car to the shop, and about to go for retrieval. I told my husband that maybe the car was wrecked for a reason ( we are waiting to see if it is completely totaled or not)- it's a sign we needed to get a new car before the babies come!

I tried to include a picture of us from the weekend- I am doing this from my phone so I have no idea if it will turn out. I hope everyone is having a good day!

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Not Again...

So doctor appointment this morning showed lots of follicles- probably between 20-30.  The doctor said, "you have a nice little crop growing here."  Seriously?  You are going to call my ovaries/eggs a crop!?  Whatever.  She said the accident shouldn't have affected anything during IVF.  I didn't want to get into my theory of stress causing early ovulation or anything like that... so I left it at that.

Then they call with my results.  My E2 dropped this time around too.  Granted it is not as big of a drop as the last time (1050 to 600 or something).  This time it just dropped by 100.  The nurse said they have no idea why it dropped, but she said that everyone's labs looked a "little low" today.  They are increasing my meds and having me go back to the doctor on Wednesday.

I really just don't know if I want to go through it again.  This is our last shot on this insurrance (with this clinic) and then we won't be able to try again until everything gets settled with my husband's insurrance.  Last time my drop in E2 left me with 12 crappy eggs out of 40+ follicles and a BFN.  If this is going to leave me with crappy eggs again- then I want to stop now and try again in a month!  I just don't think we would know about egg quality until retreival for sure- but then we wouldn't have any insurrance money left.  I don't know what to do.  So stressed.

seriously!?

Sooo.. awesome weekend. I had all these pics I was going to post and everything. Couldn't wait. As we were coming home from DC we were rear-ended on the Capital Beltway ( sorry if you were stuck in traffic from it-cuz it caused a mess ). Hubby, me, and puppy are ok. My car- not so much. It's totaled.

I am really worried that this could mess up our IVF. WE were suppose to go to retrieval Wednesday or Thursday. Do any of you know anything about canceling IVF after something like this? Could it cause me to ovulate or anything? Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Doctor appointment tomorrow AM.

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Lucky Cookies?

Today is cycle day seven of our second attempt at IVF.  REALLY REALLY hoping that it goes so much better than our first!  I feel like I am having more symptoms this round then the last, even though I'm on a smaller amount of meds.  I compltely had a meltdown at work on Sunday- crying and everything- just because I felt a little overwhelmed.  So embarassed afterwards.  I have had more stomach/ovary pain this time around too.  The last two days I have been hungry, but not hungry.  Its like I want to eat, but nothing sounds good!

Anyways.  That brings me to last night.  Last night, since I couldn't figure out what I wanted and nothing sounded good, my husband got some Chinese.  Cuz that is the go to food when you aren't hungry and just not feeling good, right? :)  (Oh well, he tried!).  In our bag of chinese food was this:



Twin Fortune Cookies

 They were like fortune cookie twins - in one package.  Of course- since I'm all hormonal and looking to anything and everything to give me luck this cycle- I thought it was a sign!  I just knew it was going to tell me some sort of good fortune on how I was going to get pregnant (with twins!) or something like that.  Cracked them both open... and as it turns out they were just two fortune cookies.  Nothing special.  No exciting fortune.  I think one of them said don't lend your friends money (well, duh) and the second was many exciting parties to come your way or something.  I tried to read into that (baby showers??), but nah.  I'm going to a birthday party for my husband's side of the family this weekend... maybe that is what it meant.  Oh well.  The mind of an infertile woman... whactcha gonna do?  I think we all try to find signs from the universe- something that will say- you aren't donig this for nothing!  It will all be worth it!  You will one day be a mom!!  I just want my two lines. That's all.  That is not too much to ask for right?

June ICLW!

Hello, if this is the first time stopping by!

My hubby and I are currently going through our second round of IVF.  We were diagnosed at the beginning of this year with severe male factor infertility.  Only option of conceiving is through IVF + ICSI, and even with that, I'm not sure how good our chances are.  Our first round of IVF was a fail.  After stimming too fast- I had between 40-50 follicles- they backed off on all my meds and two days before my retrieval, my estrogen fell really low.  They were able to get it back up with my hcg shot (trigger shot), but they were only able to retrieve 12 poor quality eggs.  Crappy eggs + really really crappy sperm = poor quality embryos which turn into a BFN.  I am not a HUGE fan of my current RE office.  I felt like they really downplayed the fact that my estrogen dropped real low, they almost had to cancel my cycle, and I had really poor quality eggs (not to mention only 12 eggs out of 50 follicles) and completely blamed the failed cycle on our MFI.  I'm not a doctor or a specialist of any kind, but from what I have read, egg quality is more of a factor of embryo quality then sperm quality-- especially when you are doing ICSI... so here we go again! 

Today was cycle day five (I think? I get all confused!) and my first appointment after starting stims last Friday.  Everything looked good.  I'm on a lot lower dose of medicine this time around and the name of the game is slow and steady. Let's hope it keeps going this way.  I think we are looking at around the Fourth of July for our retrieval.

Also, if you are new to the blog- I absolutely love taking and posting pictures (especially of our puppy Sidney).  Yesterday we went on a five mile walk (since no more real exercise during stims!) and these are some pics from our walk!

This is our baby Sidney.  She is an almost two year old yellow (or strawberry blonde as I call her) lab that we rescued from Lab Rescue of the Mid Atlantic.  We love her more than anything. 

 Posing for the camera.  We were coming up on mile four here... so she was getting a little hot.



The lily pads in the water.  This is good as you can get with a phone camera! 

The lake where we go running.  It has a 2.5mile path that goes around it, so I come here often for runs.  It is just so quiet and beautiful here... doesn't even feel like you are in Maryland!

Good To Go!

So everything looked good on the ultrasound this morning and all lab values came back perfect.... so why do I feel so apprehensive towards this cycle? I think I am just depressed because I know if this one fails (which I feel like there is a good chance it will)-- I will have to wait until next year before trying anything again. Ugh! Will I ever become pregnant?

So tell me this ladies... has anyone ever felt so "blah" about their next cycle after a failed one?

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Here We Go Again...

Wow... I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted.  I keep thinking of posts I want to write, but just haven't really found the energy to make it down to the basement where we keep our computer and turn it on!  Plus, I feel like I've been busy with work and other things.  But anyways... Surprisingly, AF showed up this morning.  A week early (well for me- since my cycles are usually about 36-38 days).  The closer and closer we had been getting to starting this cycle the more nervous I had been getting.  I don't know why I am so much more apprehensive about this cycle then the last.  I even called my husband at work asking him if he wanted to postpone it a month.  In the end, I decided to proceed- called my RE and scheduled my first appointment for tomorrow morning.  If its going to be negative- then I don't think it matters how long we wait- so we may as well get it over with so I can start moving on with my next plans (changing insurances, switching RE's, hubby getting a varicocele repair, traveling, etc).  I feel like it is amazing how many things we put on hold while trying to have a baby.  It is almost like life is on hold.  I truly believe that God has a plan for me (us) and this is part of his plan.  I have no idea why this is the path he has chosen for me, but I believe that I am on this journey for a reason.  I don't know if this will end with our biological child(ren), adopted children, or childless.  I feel like I could accept this so much easier if I understood why (and if I knew what the outcome was going to be!), but that is just not the way He works.  I have been wanting to write a post along those lines for sometime now, but still haven't been able to formulate the right words... so I guess that is just a little preview of what is to come (someday)....

Besides working, we traveled to the lake last weekend with two of our best couple friends (also in our small group at church).  One of the girl's parents  own a lake house, so it was tons of fun (and free!).  Even though it was rainy most of the days- we still had a TON of fun just hanging out with each other and just "getting away."  Here are some pictures of this past weekend.  They were all taken with my phone- so not the best pictures- but I have been too lazy to upload the camera pics yet!

 Of Course no trip is complete without finding a Sonic in the middle of nowhere!  Gotta have my Lemon-Berry Slushes!  There isn't a Sonic near us, so whenever we pass one, I HAVE to stop and take advantage of it- with a Route 44 slush!  Who knows when I'll be able to find one again!

 The first day at the lake!  Absolutely beautiful!

 Another view of the lake on the first day we got there!  (The only day it was sunny- but we still had a blast!)

 Wouldn't be complete without a little bit of cornhole.  My dad made these sets for Joe and I.  One is painted all Tennessee (for me) and the other one is painted a Marist "Red Fox" theme (for Joe).  I always have to explain that one to everyone.  I don't think anyone has ever seen Marist cornhole.  :)  (Tennessee always wins of course!)  If you ever go down to Game Day in Knoxville, your tailgate is not complete without a set of Orange and White Cornhole.

Fog rolling in over the lake after a day of storms... (and the girls kicking some boy butts at CatchPhrase).